Anti Bullying
Firstly let me say that its great to see the government being proactive about creating legislation and protocol to deal with cyber bullying and bullying in schools
(link to a video of Julia Gillard announcing the new initiative).
As a victim of bullying growing up I can speak first hand about the negative impact it can have on a young persons self esteem and self belief. There is no doubt that bullying is and has been a big issue for a long time and with the introduction of new technologies which allow people to be even more connected it is something that is going to be with us for a long time yet.
So if we all agree that bullying has been around for a long time AND it doesn’t look like its going to go away anytime soon (unless we all become Miss Teen USA and plead for ‘World Peace’) what is the solution?
Can I suggest to you that the solution to the issue of cyber bullying and bullying in schools is not about creating more rules and legislation about what you can and cant say to another human being? How are we making the world a better place if all we do is implement rules and tell people what they can and cant say, what they can and cant do..?
I think some ancient wisdom wouldn’t go astray!
The Golden Rule
Are you familiar with what they bible teaches as the ‘Golden Rule’?
I remember growing up I went to a youth group which was kind of like Scouts but was run by a church group and one of the motto’s they taught us was this Golden Rule:
Do unto others, as you would have them do unto you
Gotta love the old english language.
What that means in todays language is simply this:
Treat people how you would like to be treated
Its not a rule about what you can or cant say, it doesn’t legislate that you cant give someone the nickname “ET” because they have a disability in their arms which makes them look a little different (ME being the kid who used to get called ET).
Now dont get me wrong, it doesn’t give anyone the right simply to do whatever they want, or say whatever they want to other people, it does however introduce a sense of empathy and reflection about how your words and your actions might impact on another person.
Additionally, current legislation and rule making around bullying simply focuses on the bully. Might I suggest that the focus should be more on empowering the victim? Think about this for a moment… What is it that a bully is looking for in their actions or their words?
Anti Bullying
A bully is looking for two primary things:
- Power
- A Reaction
One of the strategies I used when I was growing up to evade the bully’s taunts, which often ended up in friendship with my bully’s, was to not push back or react, but to agree with them in a sense (with a sense of humour). This defused the situation and made the bully feel powerful.
Let me give you an example:
A bully says “You look like ET, your arms are weird!”
My response “I know, pretty funny isn’t it, my arms are a bit weird and I guess in some ways I do look like ET…” (with a smile on my face)
So…
How is the bully going to respond to that? Bully’s are looking for you to disagree with them, so they can push back again, but if you agree with what they’re saying they’re stuck in a weird kind of connection where you’ve agreed with them AND you’re smiling!
This strategy really is only best suited to something in person, but when it comes to Cyber Bullying the same strength is needed.
What I’m talking about when I say the same ‘strength’ is the self esteem, the self worth and the self belief to either:
- Engage the bully in the conversation where you agree with them (even if it might be a bit painful)
- See the taunting or bullying online and have the strength to do the following;
- Unfriend the bully
- Ignore the taunts
- Turn off the device
Empowering young people with the strategies, tools and techniques to develop their self esteem, self belief and ultimately to develop resilience will create an environment where bullying just doesn’t work.
I would love to hear your thoughts about this and if your school is having an issue with bullying I’d love to come and spend some time with your students to engage, inspire and empower them to be the best they can be and to make their world a better place.
Nathan Hulls
Teen Behaviour Expert | Motivational Speaker | Peak Performance Coach
www.NathanHulls.com
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