Six Keys To Developing Resilience In Teenagers

Reality Check – Young people live up to the expectations we set for them, however high or low. They are looking for boundaries and will seek to find where the boundaries are and how firm or enforceable those boundaries are. Young people need adults who believe in them unconditionally, holding them to the high expectations of being unique, strong, passionate, creative, full of potential and generous to others.

The 6 P’s Of Resilience

PASSION

Young people are born with passion. Have you ever watched a young child dance to the wiggles, sing their favourite song, dress up as a super hero or pretend to be someone else? Unfortunately all too often adults tend to squash this passion rather than guide and foster it. You see the thing about passion is that it can be noisy and messy, so rather than create an environment to foster passion, we find it easier to discourage passionate play.

Passion is an essential key for young people to develop resilience. Passion gives us energy when we need to work hard to reach our goals. When things get tough passion is the driving force which will help young people keep going. It is passion which young people need to be able to navigate the world, think outside of the box, look for new ideas and recover from setbacks.

It is passion which gives a young person the determination and persistence to succeed as well as the ability to focus their attention on a goal or a task. Passion is also a key element of having a good sense of humour and the ability to laugh or be light hearted in the face of adversity.

PURPOSE

Friedrich Nietzsche said “He who has a why to live for can bear almost any how.”

Young people today live with a desire to contribute, to live with a greater sense of purpose than just living for themselves. We can see this clearly with the emergence of youth led movements such as ‘Make Poverty History’, ‘Thank You Water’, ‘The Oaktree Foundation’ and the ‘Global Poverty Project’ just to name a few.

Having a sense of purpose can be identified in two specific areas:

1. Personal Purpose
A personal sense of purpose may be found in answering the question – “What is my why?”
Helping young people work through the process of identifying their passions, skills and abilities, their story and how that might fit into what they want to do beyond school instils in them a sense of personal purpose. To realise that their life is much more meaningful than the doldrums of their day to day activities.

2. Making A Difference
To make a difference in someone else’s life through a direct contribution gives a young person an amazing sense of personal satisfaction and meaning to their life. When a young person is removed from their own environment and faced with the reality of someone else’s negative circumstance AND given the ability and opportunity to make a real contribution in that person’s life it brings a number of things:

• Perspective – Young people often lack perspective which limits their ability to see the reality of their own situation.
• Power – The globalisation of our world through technology means that young people see the enormity of worldwide issues and often don’t understand the ability they have to make a difference in someone else’s life OR their own.
• Pleasure – Through practical acts of service and random acts of kindness young people discover that contributing to others feels good.

POTENTIAL

I often use the apple seed as a metaphor when presenting my “Decide Your Own Destiny” presentation in high schools around Australia. The apple seed has the potential within it to create infinite numbers of apples… right? But what happens if I put that seed in my pocket? (The wrong environment)

NOTHING HAPPENS!

But… If I dig a hole, plant the seed, nurture it, water it, care for it (the right environment) what happens? A tree grows and on that tree will grow more apples. In those apples will be more seeds and on and on it goes.

Young people need help to identify the potential within them. It is our role as trusted adults to help our young people identify this potential and create environments which encourage them to unpack that potential.

When young people lack hope (which is essentially an inability to see their own potential) they lose any desire to do the tough stuff. One of the primary characteristics of lack of resilience in young people is the propensity to quit. If we help our young people to identify the untapped potential, the gold which lays hidden inside them, and create an environment which nurtures and encourages them to develop their potential we will find them developing a great resilience.

PRACTICE

A young person’s previous experience in dealing with adversity and challenges will help them develop resilience and skills to cope with bigger challenges in the future. There are often two extremes which face young people in practicing coping with adversity:

1. Cotton Balling – Young people are often ‘cotton balled’ by their parents or significant adults and completely shielded from any opportunities to deal with adversity and challenge.
2. Thrown In The Deep End – On the other extreme young people can be left to fend for themselves in situations where they may be forced to grow up too quickly because they lack the positive input from a parent or significant adult.

The opportunity to practice coping is a key to developing resilience for young people. As I speak with young people I often refer to my story of being born with ‘Radial Ulna Synotosis’ the fusion of the radius and ulna bones in my forearms. The point of this story is the reality that ‘Stuff Happens’. We are all faced with ‘stuff’, hard stuff, bad stuff, stupid stuff, dumb stuff, whatever it is, life isn’t perfect and is ridiculous for us to pretend that it is or it could be.

As adults we need to help the young people we work with develop ways of coping and overcoming the difficulties they face, while presenting them with a realistic outlook and perspective on the world they live in.

Some of these common challenges that young people may experience are: disappointment, loss, change, rejection, conflict and failure.

POSITIVITY

Young people need a positive confidence to be able to live life to their full potential. It is often only in adverse events and challenges that a young person’s sense of positivity or self-esteem is tested.

One of the most significant contributors to my own sense of self esteem was my father. I was only 18 months old when my parents discovered that I had been born with a disability. But from that time on, dad would sit me on his knee at night and whisper into my ear “you are a champion, you can do anything you put your mind to, you can be anything you want to be.”

These messages are now engrained in my subconscious!

The power of our words as parents and adults who have the privilege to work with young people is significant. Our words literally have the power of life or death. We have the ability to speak life into the dreams and ambitions of a young person, or we can shoot them down and kill their idea of who they are and what they can become.

A young person’s sense of positivity and self esteem is built on two main things:

1. Competency – I am capable cause I can do stuff
2. Communication From Trusted Adults – I am capable cause people tell me I am

Positivity can act as a guard around young people against criticism, rejection and bullying. As I say to young people all the time – when you’re confident in who you are, the labels other people try to put on you won’t stick.

PRESENCE

The presence of trusted adults and the modelling of healthy resilience strategies is more important that anything we say to them. When I look back on my teenage years the most significant influences in my development were adults who took the time to help me develop through social interaction, teaching and mentoring.

The old adage “Do as I say, not as I do” just doesn’t cut it these days. The reality is that young people will follow your example before they follow your advice. So much of actions we see displayed in young people today is simply what has been modelled to them.

Young people, who have the support and active presence of at least one trusted adult, will recover much more favourably and quickly from challenging and difficult times than those who are surrounded by adults who are inattentive and distracted.

MY CHALLENGE FOR YOU

Will you work with me and commit yourself to supporting the young people in your life to develop resilience.

• Encourage passion and play
• Help young people discover purpose – in their own lives and their contributions
• Dig for the potential and create an environment for it to flourish
• Stand beside your young people as they face challenges and adversity and teach them the strategies to succeed
• Speak life – use your words to build up and encourage the dreamer
• Be present, be available

Nathan Hulls
Teen Behaviour Expert | Motivational Speaker | Success Coach
www.NathanHulls.com
bookings@nathanhulls.com
0407 542 636